You join us here at the Northern Nocturnal Cracker Consumption Championships.
It's a windy night here in York.
These two competitors have only one minute to eat three brand name cream crackers.
Sounds easy, really isn't, as they're currently finding out.
The tale of the tape shows Matt with a slight advantage in both height and bounciness.
But Gary, built for leisure, not for speed, might still come from behind.
But it's not looking good for these two competitors, only 15 seconds in and already a fit of the
giggles as the crackers suck any saliva out of their mouth in much the same way as Simon
Cowell sucks originality out of music.
They'll find eating increasingly difficult, let alone actually managing to choke the crackers
down their throats.
Groans of pain there from Gary.
Spectators clearly not impressed but then both men have had a couple of drinks beforehand
and don't exactly look like the most sane of people.
Half-way through already and neither man has managed to eat even one cracker.
Matt too busy trying to keep the laughter in, let alone the hydrophilic hardtack.
Crumbs spraying everywhere, that won't help the final scoring at all.
Desperate coughing starts now.
Matt attempting to eat the crackers one at a time while Gary just continues stuffing
dry wheat into his gob.
The final seconds approach and OH MY WORD let's see that in slow motion.
A coughing cracker expulsion from Gary and oh, that's poor sportsmanship as he does begin
throwing spare crackers at Matt.
It doesn't matter at this stage, it's all over with one cracker each consumed.
Both men stunned by the difficulty of the challenge.
Let's re-run the fun.
[CHEERING, MUSIC FROM FUN HOUSE] It's a tie, one cracker each, the rest in
crumbs - oh, and a backhanded fakeout crackerdump from Matt there, what a way to end the show.
Until next time, I've been Tom Scott, this has been the Northern Nocturnal Cracker Consumption
Championships.