This is the Technical Difficulties, we're playing Citation Needed.
Joining me today, he reads books you know, it's Chris Joel!
But, soft! What light through yonder Matthew breaks?
Everybody's favourite...that's not light that's breaking through him(!)
Everybody's favourite Gary Brannan, Gary Brannan.
Can I compare thee to a summer's day?
No.
And the bounciest man on the Internet, Matt Gray.
Hej hej YouTube!
In front of me I've got an article from Wikipedia and these folks can't see it.
Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING].
And the special prize for particularly good answers, which is...
That is not my buzzer. That is my glass.
That really hurt!
--There you go, Tom. --Thanks.
The only way that would've been better is if you'd picked the buzzer up, trying to drink it,
and it went "parp"!
Aroogah! Biscuits for everyone.
Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING].
And there's a special prize for particularly good answers, which is...
And today we are talking about the Shanghai Fugu Agreement.
No, no, fugu.
Fugu.
There you go. We'll take the biscuits.
Laws for preparing poisonous fish?
Ooh! I'll give you a point for poisonous fish, yes [DING].
Absolutely. Tell me about fugu.
I saw it on the Simpsons.
The thing is, so many people sat there watching are going 'Fugu!... Simpsons.'
"I don't care buddy, fugu me!" All that stuff.
"Poison, poison, tasty fish."
Yeah, that is essentially it.
It is a toxic fish that has to be really, really carefully prepared.
How many years of training do they need for that?
Many?
Some?
Until they get it right?
Gary gets the point. Three.
[DING]
"First, catch a puffer fish."
[SHICK]
"I've gone wrong."
You went, argh!
Aww...
What does fugu poison do to you, if it goes wrong?
It's paralytic isn't it?
--Neurotoxin --Yes
Yes, have a point [DING]. In fact both of you [DING]. It's a tetrodotoxin.
-- Ooh! -- Ooh!
On the tip of my tongue, dear boy.
Poisons tetras?
It's got three of them.
Five of them?
It's what's known as a sodium channel blocker.
Of course(!)
Paralyses the muscles, while the victim stays fully conscious.
What's the antidote?
There is none!
Point! [DING]
Absolutely right, there is none.
Aw, I thought it was going to be chips.
That'll be really handy, because fugu and chips were... no, it's not like nettles and dock leaves.
Mushy peas?
Pie and peas?
--Wouldn't it be great if it was something like... --Get it down yer, you'll be fine.
Wouldn't it be great if it was something like that, that in Japanese cuisine, they just hadn't come across?
So an excellent antidote to puffer fish toxin...
is parkin.
Or something like that.
Mucky fat and bread.
Anyone who is not from Yorkshire, is now Googling the phrase 'mucky fat'.
Aww beaut...
And probably finding out some things they didn't want to know.
Yeah.
Mucky fat on toast.
Mucky...Toast?
Ours just goes on bread.
Bit of salt and some onion.
Normally salty enough.
Well, I know. A relative of mine, I'll leave the person un-named,
for reasons of them being a relative of mine.
But maybe not from the local area. We'll just leave it as broad as that, right.
Was at a Yorkshire Day party, we were at.
Yorkshire Day, first of August, for the anniversary of the Battle of Minden. For those of you at home.
Which I know isn't in Yorkshire, but **** you, that's why.
We get the weather.
Erm... We were at a Yorkshire Day party. Mucky fat on bread was being handed round.
At which point, the person announced 'Oh! Pâté.'
Ah! No!...No.
At which point we all nodded slowly, whilst smiling.
As the person wolfed down three slices. And then we told them what mucky fat was. Which is beef dripping.
For those of you who don't know what beef dripping is, that's just beef fat, that's fell off beef.
With bits of beef in it.
It's the stuff that's melted off, when they're cooking it or doing anything...
It's "residue".
It is a residue.
Salty residue.
Tasty residue.
It is brown... i.e. mucky. And you just spread it on bread.
Or toast, should you wish your bread to be harder.
"Toast! For if you want your bread to be harder."
That's the marketing done for the next 20 years.
We've talked about condiments on toast before. Let's move on.
There is now safe fugu.
Puffer fish bred that don't have the toxin in them?
Yes. Absolutely. Well not necessarily bred.
Punched!
Stop it!
Punch the toxin out of them.
Specially squose.
Before preparations...
Wring it out.
Persuaded.
"Oh, be nice."
"Don't have it in!"
Where does the toxin in the fugu come from?
It's like the skin and the fins or something?
--Gall bladder? --Oh, no, the skin is usually non-poisonous.
It's the liver...also the ovaries and eyes. But mainly the liver.
The eyes?!
The eyes.
Oh my god, it's got poisonous eyes.
That's a bit dark.
Yeah.
But where does that come from?
Is it what it eats?
--Point! --Ooooh!
[DING] Absolutely right. It's the food that it eats.
It's from other animals... that have tetrodotoxin laden bacteria in them.
So it's eating the nerve poison. Why doesn't it get poisoned?
Because it's got a very good... liver-y excretory system.
It's very, very hardcore.
You know what? I'm going to give you the point there [DING].
It develops immunity over time.
So initially is this fish a bit paralysed while it's eating all these bacteria laden toxins
that it's built up in its system?
I think you are also right that it's got a very strong system as well.
Yeah.
But it can just continue eating this stuff and it just absorbs it into itself, as it does with any chemical.
And it just, you know, pulls it out. That's it. It's a toxic fish.
That's like when I was at school and there was that lad called John who just ate nettles.
Raw.
Go on...!
I've told the story. There was a lad called John, who just ate...
He didn't just eat nettles. That wasn't his entire diet.
But he would eat nettles.
Why?
--I don't know?! --Summat t'do, innit?
It was funny?
He maybe liked the sensation?
I think he might have...
What, the stung up tongue?!
I'm not him!
Why should I defend the man's weird mistakes in life?
I don't know. You might work with him. You might be in your office and come in one day, pop open his lunch box
and lo and behold, there's a bloody spitting adder and some nettles. He's gone on in life.
If you do work with someone called John. Ask them when you see them next. Did you eat nettles as a kid?
Because we might be able to track him down.
Well he's the one with the really swollen up lips, I imagine!
So with those fish. Is there one that's... is it like humans? There's this one that's gluten intolerant?
Like we have. "Oh I can't eat that, I'm tetrodotoxin intolerant."
Yes, because they are farming poison-free fugu
by keeping them away from those bacteria, keeping them in tanks.
--"Oh sorry, I've got a specific diet." --I was going to say...
[ENGINE NOISE] Not that kind of tank!
That'd make them more, rather than less dangerous, wouldn't it?
Yeah!
We got some...
"Don't eat me!"
"Got some really deadly fish here." "Oh why, has it got toxin...?"
--"No! It's got a 12 bore cannon!" --"No, it's driving a tank!"
Underwater weapons.
But then, if you put poisonous ones in the tank. You couldn't even engage in hand to hand combat.
...you alright there?
I'm stuck in a tank.
Since 1958 chefs have to be licensed to prepare and sell fugu. Which takes about three years.
Licence to fugu!
What does the licensing involve?
Not killing the assessor.
"That was delicious, and I'm still breathing."
--No. The thing is... --"Very well done."
Who eats the fish?
Themselves!
--Oh, him! --Yes, have a point [DING].
That makes sense.
They eat their own fish.
So there is no-one on this earth who has failed the test?
And is a chef.
And is a chef. You're absolutely right. Only about 35% actually pass.
-- What? -- Because mild poisoning will mess you up
or it will be "oh, yeah, you've clearly got a small dose there, you're feeling ill." But it won't kill you.
--A small dose... --So they've got near enough to their pound of flesh
--Yes. --Which leaves you with a tingly mouth
--You've got about five... --For a few days. Yeah.
Erm, but what are the parts of the test?
Catch your fugu fish.
Yes!
There's the making. But then there's the cleaning up afterwards. So you don't infect everything.
--Well that's a fair point. --We've got preparing and eating.
But there's, before we even get to preparing and eating...
Identifying a fugu fish.
Correct!
[DING]
In fact...
Because it literally says, 'a fish identification test'.
--That's cod. --A fish.
That's a fish.
That's a beef. That's a fish.
So yes. That's your second one.
I mean, it kind of echoes the British driving test really. Because that's your hazard perception.
And then you've got your practical. What bit are we missing?
--Theory. --Theory.
Point over there to Matt Gray [DING]. You also have a written theory test.
What happens if you feed fugu to someone, and you haven't done it properly?
"They are dead."
Yes. How many people in Tokyo are hospitalised, every year roughly, through fugu...
Thirteen?
OK, we're clearly doing Price is Right rules here, aren't we? Thirteen.
I...I think it will be quite a high number.
Because I can see it being a bit like ordering a really stupidly hot curry.
You ask specifically for one that hasn't been neutralised. That isn't the neutral one.
--You ask specifially for a poisoned one. --I bet there's a little thing.
I bet there's a thing with some people that they like to eat it a little bit of the toxin still in
So they get a little bit of a tingle, or something like that. So I think it's gonna be in...
s it every year, did you say? --Per year, in total.
I reckon, less than a hundred, but not much less.
I think nine. Just 'cos that was the number that popped into my head.
I'm going to give that to Gary. It's somewhere between about 35-65 each year, [DING]
--That's the order of magnitude then. --Yeah.
And between 0 and 6 die.
S*** the bed.
What are some of the reasons you might get poisoned? Particularly if you've been prepared by an amateur.
Eating the poison?
--Well yeah. --He's good, he's good(!)
The lad's sharp(!)
Improper methods is in there. But there's one other thing.
We've already covered it in the test.
Licking the knife.
Being served it incorrectly, by identifying the wrong fish?
Correct. They didn't think it was a fugu fish. [DING]
Does it look... It must look like a different fish.
It looks like a lot of other fish.
Oh s***!
"Lovely sea bass...!" [SLOBBERS]
[SLURRING] This is a very piquant sauce.
Cod.
Death cod!
"Now remember I put the death cod on the left, the good on the right."
"Remember, right for the death cod, left for the good cod."
"Right, left. Remember that!"
"Right? Good!" "Oh s***!"
And they're in the same type of pan!
All of which brings us back to the Shanghai Fugu Agreement. Which is 1985 in Germany.
Do they agree that they won't sell fugu in Europe?
Yeah, they won't export it.
That's not something you really agree on with people from Shanghai, is it?
We agree we are god-damn not selling your killer fish, right!
This is the Green Party. Who are locked in a coalition agreement --
their very first ever coalition agreement --
with the Social Democrats, in one of the German states.
And they are going into coalition, and they put forward -- on the last day of negotiations
they demand that they sign the Shanghai Fugu Agreement.
And this is an agreement to help with what? What do you need to prepare fugu?
Knives!
Fugu!
Chefs!
Yep. I'll give you a point there. You need chefs. [DING]
How do you get chefs to Germany?
On a train?
But what permissions do they need, to get in there?
A licence?
Visas?
Gary's got the point there again. [DING]
They need visas.
And so the Shanghai Fugu Agreement is a set of international regulations.
There's a special set of visas for certified fugu chefs.
They demanded that was one of the things they should sign. What's the problem with that agreement?
It's wrong.
In what way?
--Shanghai? --Yeah?
That's China isn't it?
Mm. That's one of the problems with it(!)
--That's one of quite a few. --That's not where they eat it.
And -- it is, it's pan-Asian anyway. But it's not, you know...what it's famous for.
It's completely fake.
Aaaaw! What?!
The Greens had been in negotiations for days, were sick of the negotiations,
made up a completely fake agreement, and added it to the list of demands
and the minister they were arguing with, just went 'yes, OK, fine! Yep. Wonderful.'
I bet after that, they were kicking themselves, that they couldn't do something more fun than that.
No! No-one noticed.
They could have made everyone wear jelly on a Sunday.
The negotiators didn't notice,
The civil servants didn't notice.
They could have banned the apostrophe! They could have done anything!
The press didn't notice.
It took years before someone went:
--"Oh yeah!" --"What is that?"
"Remember when we did that?"
"We have made it so that no one called Keith may enter the country!"
You know, you could do that.
So did they draw up an agreement?
No. They just required that the Social Democrats be party to the Shanghai Fugu Agreement.
Completely faked.
Without having read it.
The fun you could have in that situation.
So congratulations, at the end of that, Gary, you win this week's show. Well done!
You win a confederate general made out of interlocking stones without any mortar.
No!
--Yep! Got it! --Go for it. Go for it. He's got it for once.
A Dry Stone-Wall Jackson!
Yes! He's got it!
With that, we say thank you to
Chris Joel,
to Gary Brannan,
-- to Matt Gray... -- Goodbye YouTube.
I've been Tom Scott. We'll see you next time.
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