[applause]
TOM SCOTT: Thank you very much!
Good evening, my name is Tom Scott,
And this is Questionable.
And the first question that we are asking tonight is:
Telepathy, flight, or invisibility:
Which superpower would you rather have?
You can vote right now by putting "A", "B", or "C" in the chat box on the right.
Only your first vote will count so go for it.
"A" for telepathy, "B" for flight, "C" for invincibility, put it in the chat box on the right, and while you're doing that,
let's meet the three people who are going to be trying to change your mind.
First, the star of stage, television, and the Internet, his show
"Disgusting Songs for Revolting Children" is on at the Udderbelly Festival in London, on Saturday the 11th.
Please give an incredibly loud welcome to Jay Foreman!
[applause]
Next up, a producer and comedian, and also our emergency Welsh speaker, just in case the Welsh choose this exact moment to invade,
Please welcome, Sarah Breese!
And in the last chair, the voice that launched a thousand ships, mostly by just damaging their moorings,
Please welcome, comedian, actor, storyteller and alchemist, Will Seaward!
[applause]
Thank you very much for joining us, folks. Uh, there are gonna be four rounds tonight, for each one, uh
each of our comedians is gonna take the different side of an argument.
But it's not having the most popular answer that will win them the point, it is changing the most minds,
out there, on the Internet.
So, with that, the first poll is going to close in ten seconds.
Uh, thank you to Ryan Thomson, for sending in this question.
Um, Jay, you're gonna be on telepathy. Sarah, you're gonna be on flight. Will, you're gonna be on invisibility.
With that, our poll is closed. So let's see... what our audience thinks.
That is pretty evenly spread! 36% of our audience would choose telepathy, so that's in the lead,
35% would choose flight, only 29% would go for invisibility
So, round one... Uh, it's not a formal debate, but I'm gonna give you each time to make your case. So, Jay,
Why telepathy?
JAY: I think the best thing about telepathy is... of all of the superpowers available here in the choices,
it's the one that you can most keep a secret.
So flight, for example, the only way you could use it is by sort of showing off,
and flying from one place to another which is a huge responsibility, but... if you can use telepathy...
you can make all kinds of things happen, because people, instead of being impressed, they'll be going:
"How the f-... How did you do that?!"
And just think of the things you could achieve by that. Pretty much...
any job you wanted to have or thing you wanted to achieve, you could do, whereas flight...
You could save a bit of money and time, I suppose, but you can't take over the world with flight.
TOM: Oh, now, hang on. Are you thinking... just mind reading, or you're thinking putting thoughts in other people's heads?
JAY: Well I wasn't thinking putting other thoughts in peoples' heads now
but you've put that thought in my head now.
TOM: Okay, Okay...
But you were just going for mind reading, you were going for being able to pluck...
JAY: I think simply by reading your mind I'd be able to freak you out enough.
TOM: I, er, do we have any magicians in the audience?
No, no we don't...
JAY: They're keeping it a secret.
[laughter]
TOM: Has anyone ever done the thing where you've just gone "If there are any telepaths listening to this, get out of my head!"
Has anyone done th-... Is that just me? Okay...
It's just me.
JAY: It's the superpower I always used to fantasize about having when I was younger
but I think that just tells you how paranoid I was as a child.
[laughter]
TOM: Sarah, uh, flight? Why would you go for flight?
SARAH: Well I hadn't considered this. Is this the - do I have to think about it in terms of what would freak you out?
TOM: No, no just defend it! Convince them. Convince them. SARAH: I could freak you out pretty well with flight.
SARAH: Right, do you know what I think? I think there's a lot of really short people out there.
Like me.
Who would quite like to have flight. And I'm not saying we have to fly off all over the place
doing like, you know, loop the loops and whatever. We could just hover a bit, you know?
Wouldn't that be nice?
Like, when was the last time you saw the top shelf in the kitchen cupboard?
I'm sure I've put some great stuff up there, just by throwing it up.
I'd like to know what's there. So if I could just hover a bit. And like, you know, you could probably use it for good things and stuff...
Like if you had...
[laughter]
I dunno, I might.
Like if a neighbor had an emergency and she was telling you "Oh no I really need some help"
you could, like, fly off. Whether you come back is your own decision entirely! But you've got the option, haven't you?
TOM: But is that for avoiding neighbors or is that for helping them?
SARAH: Well I think you can decide that once you're off and you've got your own space. And, uh, I think that would be fine.
I mean telepathy, do you really want to know what everyone's thinking all the time? I'm not sure I do.
JAY: Well that's something I hadn't thought of, can you switch it off? TOM: We'll get there in a minute, we'll get there in a minute.
Cus' Will, invisibility?
WILL: Well invisibility's the best one!
[laughter]
That's my- no. Now I'm not saying I'm not a dazzlingly handsome man.
Wouldn't it be fun to be invisible sometimes?
Especially because... You could pretend to be a ghost!
It would be brilliant, you'd go into a period property or a castle or, erm, any house actually!
[laughter]
And you'd wait until someone was there, and then when they were you'd approach them and you'd go...
OoooOOOooOoo...
And then you'd turn on your invisibility power and you'd just disappear. And they'd go...
AAAAAHHHH! A ghost!
And if you laughed, that would just add to the ghostliness.
[laughter]
TOM: I just wanna flag up here that Jay is taking over the world, Sarah is helping out her neighbor...
And you are literally just pranking people with going ooOOo
WILL: Oh I do not dispute I would be the least useful superhero. I'm perfectly alright with that!
TOM: But the question is which superpower would you rather have?
You would go for invisibility?
WILL: Yeah there's other stuff you can do with it. But mostly the ghosts.
[laughter]
JAY: Would you be able to turn the clothes you were wearing invisible as well?
Because this makes it a lot more awkward to turn invisible, especially if you're on a limited time.
WILL: You would, I suppose, have to wear opaque clothes...
No, not opaque clothes, the other way around!
TOM: I don't think transparent clothes are really a thing outside high fashion.
And I think they might get you arrested...
WILL: Not if you're a ghost!
[laughter]
It's perfectly fine to be naked, if you're etherial.
SARAH: I think this argument is flawless. I'm not sure we can...
Can you turn different bits of yourself invisible? Does it have to be all or nothing?
WILL: Oh fun! That'd be great! You could be a headless ghost, then the clothes would be fine.
SARAH: Or just an eye, or just a finger.
TOM: There is the important question you asked Sarah which is can you turn it off?
SARAH: He asked that, that is true.
TOM: Cus' flight you can just land.
But telepathy, do you want?
Invisibility, you're assuming you can turn it on and off.
WILL: Yeah.
TOM: Telepathy, what if you can't-
what if you can't stop reading what's in other people's heads?
JAY: Well I think any one of these if you can't turn it off would be terrifying.
SARAH: I dunno, if you can't stop flying? That'd be great!
[laughter]
Sharks can't stop swimming, I don't see them complaining. That big toothy grin on 'em.
SARAH: They seem to be having a great time. JAY: They don't stop to complain.
SARAH: No, they seem pretty happy about it.
I reckon flight would be great. I don't see any problem with that all the time.
Telepathy, I wouldn't wanna know what everybody's thinking.
I worry about what they're thinking enough as it is all the time!
TOM: That's true, I can't see the YouTube comments here, but I assume they're just being rude.
Like, do I want that insight into the world's head?
JAY: That would be, you know, having telepathy would be like seeing a YouTube comment box everywhere you go.
TOM: Oh...
JAY: I'm not selling it well.
TOM: Wait you just, I think you just [pretends to shoot himself in the leg]
JAY: Although I'm trying to appeal to the people of YouTube so maybe that'll work.
TOM: Yeah actually we have just had that comment in from, er, *commenter* here.
It just says "Hearing people's thoughts 24/7 would be like reading YouTube comments and that's terrible..."
I realize I'm slating the people who are commenting on here.
But, er, we also have chat moderators so we'll see what we can do.
Um...
WILL: Would you be allowed chat moderators with telepathy?
[laughter]
TOM: There is the argument that Facebook and Twitter is basically telepathy just mediated through a phone.
You can hear...
JAY: Is there?
TOM: You can hear what other people are thinking when you want to and you can broadcast your thoughts to others when you want to.
SARAH: Is it like lip reading, without lips?
[laughter]
TOM: What?
SARAH: Like if you look at them, right, and then you can kind of see what they're thinking.
But they don't have to be mouthing it at you or holding up signs.
TOM: I mean telepathy is a broad church. SARAH: Maybe that's it, I mean maybe...
TOM: Yeah, it could be just one-... JAY:It's turning out to be a lot broader than I thought.
TOM: Yeah it could be just what they've got currently running through their head.
Or it could be pulling your secrets out.
TOM: Pulling your pin numbers out... JAY: Have you seen the really awful, barely watchable film: What Women Want?
Yep, WILL: Yes!
JAY: Mel Gibson can read women's minds.
And in this film, everyone is thinking out loud in fully formed sentences.
I don't know about you but whenever I think about something, it doesn't always... It doesn't sound like something that you can say out loud.
So even if I was able to hear everybody's thoughts, I still wouldn't understand what the hell they were thinking about.
TOM: I mean you might have the Superman problem.
JAY: What's that?
TOM: Like Superman being able to hear every voice in metropolis and somehow having to filter through them.
JAY: Superman's got all three of our problems hasn't he?
WILL: He can't go invisible!
JAY: How do you know?
[laughter]
WILL: You're quite right.
Yeah...
SARAH: He can fly really far away and watch you from there, though.
That's pretty much the same.
WILL: No that's just creepy.
SARAH: Creepier than being invisible?
In close proximity, Mr Ghost.
WILL: That's not creepy, that's cool!
Look, imagine I'm doing it now.
[laughter]
TOM: I mean I don't have the graphics available to make you do that Will.
I can try try and expand though so it just kinda covers you in a blue bar.
There we go!
That's good, that's good.
WILL: (muffled) Hello Sarah.
TOM: It's a really good disguise.
That's flawless. I like the thing almost has a face on it as well.
[laughter]
Right, um, let's call it there.
Let's go back to the world because the question is not which of you has the most popular answer.
The question is have you changed anyone's minds?
So with that, we are re-opening the poll.
"A" for telepathy, "B" for flight, "C" for invisibility.
Even if they haven't changed your mind, keep voting. The poll has been reset. Let's find out what the world now thinks.
We have... we have a lovely comment in here while the... while the poll is coming in
Uh, from (nikomodo) which says:
"If you are telepathic, where would your mind-reading powers end? Could you understand what animals were thinking?"
JAY: That would be even more terrifying. Every single fly that goes past you.
TOM: Yeah, I liter... The reason I just went like this is because I had a fly buzzing around here.
Because we... We have a YouTube livestream...
I was trying to make it look like I was just kinda [re-enacting] "eh yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm just fanning myself."
Whereas I actually probably looked... Ludicrously camp.
SARAH: But for flies, It's probably not that complex for flies. They're probably just thinking "Wheeeeee"
[laughter]
WILL: Sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar
SARAH: Which is what I'd be thinking
If I had the power of flight.
TOM:That's true, if you want to get any last...
We've got about 10 seconds in the poll left
If you want to get your arguments in now.
WILL: Imagine not seeing me!
[laughter]
TOM: Now, sadly, in this round only the first vote counts
so anything that's...
Alright, you've got about, uh...
two or three seconds to get your answer in
And then, it will be over.
About ten se... Are you okay there, Jay? You, uh...
JAY: Just turning my phone off
[laughter]
TOM: Alright...
SARAH: Bet you wish you were invisible right now!
WILL: As would everyone
TOM: Let's see that the poll is now: closed.
Here with the results at the start of that argument.
36% for telepathy, 35% for flight, 29% for invisibility
The new results are...
[surprise] TOM: It's a little shift to invisibility
32 for telepathy, 32 for flight
but invisibility has taken 36
Let's see what the changes are...
Yep, WILL: Yes!
TOM: Lost a little from telepathy,
lost a little from flight, but
with 7% of the minds changed to invisibility
This round's winner is: Will Seeward!
[applause]
WILL: Thank you, would be ghosts!
TOM: So that is the first of four rounds.
One point to you. Congratulations, Will.
Our next round is a free-for-all argument.
Not going to ask you for a debate, just go for it.
And the question is:
Two of these are going to be banned. Which one do you save?
Okay? So, for the internet out there: Let's say...
Though all of these things are going to be banned, apart from one
you are voting to save.
And the options are:
Watercraft, Aircraft, or Land vehicles.
"A" for anything that goes on water
We're talking hovercraft, boats, anything like that.
"B" for Aircraft.
Anything that floats on air, or flies through the air.
Actually, hovercraft's aircraft, isn't it? Now now I come to think of it.
JAY: Ooh. WILL: Ooh! Fascinating!
JAY: That changes everything
WILL: Also, land-ive
[Offscreen] Yeah, it does land as well.
WILL: Yeah!
TOM: Alright! Hovercraft's are just getting banned!
[laughter]
TOM: "A", "B", or "C" in the chat
You can save one of them!
SARAH: Well, what about a space hopper?
TOM: I'm going to rule: that's a land vehicle,
'Cause I wouldn't like to try a space hopper in a pool.
[laughter]
TOM: Um...
TOM: You have to save one. All others will be banned.
"A" for Watercraft
"B" for Aircraft
"C" for Land vehicles
You are voting to save.
While we're dealing with that: It's going to be Jay?
You're taking Watercraft on this one,
and I remember you saying in rehearsals, this is one you genuinely felt passionate about
JAY: Yeah. The more that I think about it the more passionately in favor of watercraft I am.
TOM: Alright. Sarah, you're going to be taking Aircraft
And Will, you're going to be taking Land Vehicles.
WILL: Like space hoppers.
[laughter]
TOM: Got about 10 seconds to get you answers in.
TOM: Someone has pointed out what about rockets here,
They are, they're aircraft.
I think I'm gonna...
In order to be as...
We've got nods from the audience here:
In order to get to space, you've got to go through the air,
or something has gone very wrong.
[laughter]
So with that, we are going to close the poll now.
Let's see what the results are.
12 % would save watercraft
50 % would save aircraft
38 % would save land vehicles.
So, aircraft, uh, the one to save
then land vehicles, then watercraft, ehm
Jay, you felt passionate here
so I am, I'm going to give you the tea off here.
What would, uh, why would you go for watercraft
JAY: Well, I'm not suggesting for a second that
it's not gonna be thunderingly inconvenient
[Will chuckles]
JAY: That the way we have to get around is going to have to be by canals.
And by swimming
But, if you think about it, historically,
that is the way we actually functioned around the world.
Before they built the railways, they built canals.
It was much easier to transport things very slowly through water,
then it was by building on land, in the olden days.
And, the crucial, most important thing,
is that if we still had sea vessels,
you could still, actually have transport between different landmasses.
I mean any one of these three, if you eliminated them,
It would be really inconvenient and awful.
But, by saving watercraft, that is the only way that life as we know it would continue.
We'd still be able to travel around the world, without polluting, I dare say,
And it would encourage us to build huge canal systems through every country, which would be awesome!
TOM: Sarah, you are going for aircraft.
SARAH: Yeah, 'cause everybody look great in Biggles goggles.
[Laughter]
SARAH: Who doesn't, who doesn't look cooler in those?
Like, I'm pretty sure everyone's with me on this
plus, everyone gets a plane, like, you get a plane,
you get a plane, everyone's got a plane! And like...
TOM: You're going for personal, personal planes and hovercraft
and little things like that then?
SARAH: I, yeah it could be any kind, you could have a variety
if you want to be good to the environment I guess, like a balloon, or like lots of balloons
that you like tie to yourself, that would be, that would be fine,
TOM: Or like science fiction future zeppelins.
Sarah: Yeah, that, that's very you, that'd be you, also, you know how...
[Laughter]
TOM: That's not unfair, that's, that's reasonable.
SARAH: Plus like, dunno, I always lose my car, in car parks, and so...
Like... you probably wouldn't have that problem if you chose a good bit of sky,
feeling like: "Oh yeah, next to that cloud that... that looks sort of like, a fish finger."
[Laughter]
SARAH: I mean... I guess the cloud might move.
TOM: That's a rectangle, I'm just gon' point it out.
SARAH: But it's all about texture, isn't it? TOM: Fair.
[Laughter]
SARAH: But— I guess if the cloud moves so will the thing you've parked there.
JAY: So in this universe, you can park planes in the sky and they just hover there redy for you to climb up—
Sarah: Yeah, 'cause otherwise they're land vehicles and you don't want to...
TOGETHER: Oh!
JAY: This would suit your flying thing...
SARAH: It would actually— Yeah, very much.
JAY: Actually, if you could fly you wouldn't need the vehicle.
SARAH: That's true. I don't think i won that one so...
[Laughter]
TOM: Umm, Will, you were going for land— I'm just going to say, there are a lot of people asking whether horses count as land vehicles.
[Will laughs]
JAY: Do horses count as vehicles?
TOM: That's... I'm going to let Will take that one that is your argument to agree with or not.
WILL: Well, ‘vehicularness’ is in the eye of the transported.
[Laughter]
[Laughter and applause]
WILL: So—sorry, horses—yes.
So, space hoppers aside, and we know space hoppers are great,
the disadvantage of land vehicles is, of course, everyone would just have to stay where the were,
which isn't a good thing unless you're very, very right wing.
[Laughter]
The advantage would be that aircraft and watercraft would both be banned.
They wouldn't be obliterated, they'd be banned,
and that would mean that the only watercraft would be pirate ships!
The seas would be full of pirate ships, and the air would be full of sky pirates, which are even better!
I rest.
[Laughter]
[Applause]
TOM: The comment section are now arguing about legs in general, I'm—
SARAH: Yes!
TOM: People are not land vehicles, okay?
SARAH: This is a good point. Has anyone looked— you know on, like, your driving license, have you ever looked at the letters on the back, right?
There are some *weird* things on that, like some of the letters at the bottom—they put them in small caps
so you don't ever look into those things—like ‘pedestrian controlled vehicles’ is one of them,
I'm getting that means feet!
So, if it's on a driving license, you can say ‘goodbye to these!’ and they're out of there.
There's other stuff on there as well: lawnmowers!
You've also got a license for lawnmowers if you can drive the car, so, everybody's gardens start overgrowing, if you've—
TOM: Riding on lawnmowers! certainly counts as a land vehicle. That's true.
WILL: Try mowing a lawn from the sky, Sarah!
[Laughter]
JAY: Yeah!
SARAH: I guess you could sort of napalm it...
JAY: Surely the best thing to mow a lawn with, is an aeroplane on its side with a propeller.
WILL: The precision you need...
TOM: And the thing is, Jay, the propeller does propel you towards the ground there.
JAY: So you'd have to do it very, very fast.
WILL: And if you crashed, you'd be banned, because you'd suddenly be in a land vehicle.
[Laughter]
JAY: That's true: how would you take off?
SARAH: Oh that's a good point. Also—
TOM: I think we'd— We have to allow take-offs, surely?
SARAH: Sort of means that we'll be using the red arrows for a lot more, I guess like, you know, garden maintenance...
And I suppose they could probaly get crops in if they flew really close.
TOM: Yeah, there are places in the US that use planes for crop dusting.
There are ranches in Australia where they use helicopters for cattle herding.
WILL: Never!
TOM: Yep, absolutely. One of the most dangerous jobs in the world.
WILL: Just from fear of the helicopter?!
TOM: Yeah, well it turns out the ranch is the kind of size in Australia that you
need a helicopter for, so... WILL: That's extraordinary. TOM: So if you ban aircraft
then there are going to be a hell of a lot of un...
I wan't to say 'rusteled', and that's the exact opposite of the word I want. JAY: Unrustelable.
TOM: Unrustulable cattle.
JAY: That's not the right word it's just really fun to say. [LAUGHTER] WILL: Well, the beef
industry is terrible for the environment so, go land vehicles! [LAUGHTER]
SARAH: I feel like I should defend the farmers on this being from Wales but I guess if
you can't have legs then sheep dogs are going to just kind of be like... TOM: No you can
have legs, we're not banning anything with legs. Alright? Land vehicles have...
Land vehicles are not not creatures on legs okay? WILL: unless there's
another creature on top having a nice ride.
TOM: We do have a question from der Mann in der Wand, I have no idea I
might have just said something rude in German, uh Will,
you haven't answered how we get to other land masses.
WILL: I haven't, you're quite right. We wouldn't. And that that is an issue unless you joined
a pirate ship. That's that's the answer, you'd get stride up to the
gangway on your legs which aren't vehicles
unless you had somebody else on your back, and you'd say 'hello
there cap'n!', and the captain would say 'Hahar there young lad!' or 'Hahar there young lass!',
depending, and you'd say 'I'd like to go to France!' and He'd say 'Ah,
that will cost you the lives of seven innocents and their gold!' and...
JAY: You thought about this a lot
TOM: I mean to be fair, i think that'S the new eurostar ticket cost so...
JAY: is eurostar allowed in this land vehicles only thing
TOM:Yeah, it's a train, landvehicle surely!
SARAH:but it's through the sea
TOM:no it's under the sea WILL:yeah TOM:like Sebastian in the little mermaid
[laughter]
TOM: don't know where i was going with thet reference frankly
WILL:you could also ride around on giant crabs, if you had scuba equipment
TOM:let's end it there let's go back to the audience
audience! have they changed your minds the polls are open again
A for watercraft B for aircraft C for land vehicles
you are voting to save one of them. all others will be banned!
If they've changed your mind, vote!
if they haven't changed your mind you still need to vote again to get counted
and only your first vote will count
and the numbers are starting to come in
(?) what option do I choose to save chitty chitty bang bang?
that's a valid category question there SARAH: there's no saving chitty chitty bang bang there's no room for him
WILL:No, he's going with the hovercraft TOM:yeah that's true
- are we also have what about a water jet pack has anyone ever had to go on that
JAY:No, I've seen people do it, it looks amazing
did anyone anyone here tried?, I tried once and then the company i
got the groupon with went bust
that's my water Jetpacking story there SARAH: i once opened... you know, when you open
bottle of coke that you've shaken up
yeah and you'd forgotten how much is shaking it up and then it makes you jump
yeah I kind of done that so it's close
TOM:I mean somebody how many bottles of coke do you need to ... SARAH: just, it just need to be
one really surprising one
TOM:thats fair, thats fair all right polls close in about 10 seconds
uuh guys any final comments to sway the last voters
WILL:land land land land land! TOM: it's a strong argument
JAY:five strong arguments TOM:yeah yeah yeah let's JAY:oh wait, you said land
six times
WILL:one of them was a weak argument and let's SARAH: [confused, counting with her hands] see what the results are the poles are
held at the polls are now closed here with the old results
twelve percent for watercraft fifty percent for aircraft
thirty-eight percent the land vehicles here are the new results
yes
it's lamb burgers it's going one way and the aircraft lost out the most there
yes a cross sorry Sarah aircraft was comprehensively trance and Jay you did
move some people over there but by just three percent of the audience
the winner of round two will say what now i will say well that there are four
rounds
I'm literally the last one is worth two points but you are kind of running away
with it here
I don't think this is this is going well I've had ghosts and space office
good night I've had a better just tired and you've been doing well in this quiz
that nasty elements i don't think that we have a hashtag back and legs going on
and chat which are quite like - the hashtag band legs bad legs i'm like
great I don't know whether that's implying that everyone will sort of get
I don't like the way that something up
you can keep your legs just not allowed to use them oh no no I said yeah you
signature everyone vehicles definitely like that let's move on round three is a
is a mystery props around out J I'm gonna ask you to work to go off
you could take them out one at a time to the right to take a right on first and
get back to you - we'll ask his name in it now come down today you got it fixed
that you cannot look at that you forgot about that second one - Sarah know our
comedians genuinely have no idea what are under these salvors are they are
going to be debating whatever happens to be under here
so the question is go ahead take off the tops rice pasta or potatoes which is the
best car behind open you can go and i think i might be your see in the chat
k is for rice B is for pasta and c is war Cato's are now I appear to be having
technical problem here because there are the numbers are coming in
that's far who all morning
but the leg has clearly extended a little beyond 10 seconds i was briefly
worried that is fine but loading we're just gradually speeding up that side
timely possible
I'm that's fine it's 25 frames a second here 24 in the US that's obviously not
as complete company you're driving
so would you like us to move around a little faster
I'm so a for rice be four pasta at sea for potatoes only your first vote will
count and you vote by typing those letters into the chat box on the right
arm
you guys a one way I didn't check it in here celiac why is anyone here have a
have a habit of wheat allergy because I if I just gave you a sudden load of past
to there and then I can start threatening people with it
you can't that's a really good are you saying that we're going to have to like
out there soon no I'm gonna finish not like I would have cooked at first it
felt like it i did just realized the studios has no food or drink in here so
feel free to tear open the backs but please try not to get rights are rights
or pasta of red potatoes I think we are you going to have trouble getting them
everywhere
yeah yeah yeah Richard about 10 seconds left in the poll here are so very best
of luck on the exam which they got the other one here i am very happy with the
director who's all right the pole
you can put this all this down now the line got one of the friends that noise
the polls are now closed let's see the results only twelve percent in favor of
rice
what fifty percent in favor of pasture thirty-eight percent in favor of
potatoes so pasta is out in the lead. in which case ...
let's - he says it's just checking he's hit the correct button there
yeah i have,that's fine - let's have a look at the answers there i'm going to go to
Sarah first because you were on pasta. Why pasta?
this has a high Number half people think pasta already
well - you should be pleased - I will be if they still do that the end we'll see
that's a change their minds right pasta
okay. good. what if ok this is really important to culture that's what we need right and
- stay with me - pasta is absolutely crucial to like education and culture
because who remembers Neil Buchanans art attack
Yeah Yeah
right good imagine if he didn't have pasta will already be
making all the time and time one but that's the international references well
as tax on love the channels would love two presenters brilliant yeah so we've
got a nice pen a here
there's those that all bow things there is a tagliatelle
I'm going to get some Italians on my side is so we get e
that's one so we need all those for art right also if we keep sending students
like away and they've got no pasture they're not going to do well
potatoes are poisonous snake again i can immediately going to give will the
bottle to that I ate a potato yet
instead I think I'm just like you are and what you're convincing cups but yeah
yeah that's true but as a student if you don't know how to cook I mean posture is
probably not delicious
if you get it wrong or don't cook it but nothing too interesting to get it wrong
this is what I do when they went to UT a lot of posture anyone yeah yeah
they can't actually see your hands up in the audience. there were loads of them guys at home
everyone, everyone agrees
they're all on this side so yeah that's pasta: culture and education because
everyone will die
allright, Jay, you've been you've been quiet so far
I was intrigued by your
argument about pasta being the best thing that you can make out with because
surely do it online so you can create a much higher resolution image on how do I
know that surely rise trunks to pasture but more importantly this is way more
versatile because not only can you use rice in you know almost every kind of
chinese cooking an Indian cooking it's the most important thing in the world
and whereas pasta can only be used for a main course you can have rice in a
starter in a main course and dessert you can have rice pudding as well that's
what that has as anyone have dessert pasta is that I think anyone he was
made
Oh what Roger little thing for loser in your loser
that sounds great i also sure there was a need a good word though
fflewddur like that but there's other good pastures but it was those in New
York Cafe that did a chocolate lasagna that maybe internet break for the
holidays that don't think he will be delicious i have not try something but I
I'm for all flavors of lasagna
another thing about Rice that's just occurred to me and if you're celiac or wheat in
tone and you can't have pasta you can create a pasta like substance using rice
we don't we have a comment here from religious be saying of what about gnocchi
i'm just we're not to mention your key to separate your key is the hovercraft
of the carbohydrates
that if nothing else is the phrase for the night
the traffic of power behind it says on the package of yucky well you you've
been quiet so far and I sense you are holding together a barnstorming argument
to get out here so we left right left right well I'm gonna I'm gonna start by
getting out of potato am I don't hate it when you don't have one secreted away
any way that I mean they're quite distracting be placed there
yeah yeah that actually title of a people running their m88 hello
mation stick your Minister you got out they diverse and no potatoes other and
gold not knowing what they are they're they're obviously the best carbohydrate
big cars if you put them in a ship and that ship
get some water in the hole that the only one that won't make the ship explode
is that a strong enough reason to eliminate the other two is this an
elimination round by the way I was invested a lot of elimination round
don't worry but I'm just once they just explode
Jesus mean they're gonna swell up because i think at that point your
problem is not the pasta but the water
what you have here is you say that jump them but water is the natural medium of
potato becoming deliciousness and I once saw an episode of Hornblower
we're back there where he he stole her ship from France which was full of rice
and that ship exploded and I don't want that to happen in general you may be in
general and also if we're doing our potatoes are vastly more this dough
because you can come of them yet you can carve them into any of the shapes pastor
can do and you
what why fiddle around making it a high res rice image when you can just take
your scalp poland and have loads of fun with a Maris Piper the Maris Piper is is
a type of potato and not wills x just so you know
good lord scalpel and have loads of fucking much
why did you agree of Tom's you doing don't look at the comments and we'll
have loads of fun with the Maris Piper and I'll be honest it sounds like that
sounds much worse than it was
I'm really open if he actually did have an ex corde Maris Piper
that's her I want to clarify that everyone i am in no way Jack the Ripper
good good oh I'm not sure how can you defend a food that takes at least half
an hour to prepare the problem with potatoes it takes forever to boil them
until you do but you don't have to boil you can chop them up good and thin
we can't even longer hard boil them in cream and then don't even bother most of
it anyways might be coming great grandfather what your best pasta dish
there and I can do pasta
like what raise up
what's your favorite constellation I oh this is this is not looking good for me
and my culinary skills do you have a favorite past shape
Oh further because I'm rice comes in all sorts of stuff that's already sorry I'm
gonna need to clarify . what shakes just was coming in medium sized long and
quick cook that potatoes have all three of those and that's just in their
intrinsic for new potatoes baked eating potatoes for saving things before haha
all rights don't forget you can have and there's so many different ways of
cooking it one of the most amazing ones is the sticky rice that you get in sushi
japanese for you but people keep right
I read not go right where these old people there's a there's a time of year
when apparently they easy sticky rice cakes and it keeps getting people really
really hard to swallow
so yeah like they're just instruments of death
that's hot rice is you know they're blowing up ships probably got the butt
you blow up pigeons if you feel like that's why you can't throw them at
weddings don't do that that's a lot of things so it's a bitter pretty nasty
dangerous stuff and poisonous potatoes which apparently wouldn't be a foodstuff
nowadays if they were if they were discovered nowadays because of how much
how poisonous they are when they're uncooked people probably wouldn't keep
so you're arguing that pasta's safe
pasta is safe but excited to see ya all right we're gonna do it we're going to
close it there
I'm going to help we're going to ask the audience one more time how they change
your mind even if they haven't you will still need to vote again
hey for rice beef or posture see for potatoes which is the best carbohydrate
a B or C in the comments right now are you can put you right let's keep me in
for a minute let me take this over to the end
yeah yeah all right but it's better to be the prize if you want to or not
yeah well i did i'm going to point out there is a vodka vs <operand> six
</operand> might happen in the comments of course no one went well cohol here
you can't make alcohol with pasta can make it with we know open you can drink
alcohol with pasta drink alcohol with any
No yeah 3 listen to me what all right on the alcohol mode if you leave a potato
under sink it turns into vodka
I challenge you to do that with your ingredients just your house may steal
your potatoes are warning me that's like me are that was
we also have microorganism here saying how you can make electricity with
protector was probably quite a few people have said that as well
well if you if you put put the right wires into them
you did well they were like two small battery and you can turn them interfaces
with their that that said Alejandro has also pointed out the rice can dry your
phone
exactly you can dry your phone with the potato but you can wet your phone
there's also the suggestion of no main from no name given that you are you get
you can't throw potatoes to the wedding
don't you just love you remember things like that about
no no waiting for a couple you like how many weddings for couples you don't like
do you go to
most of them everything they give you an invite they always give you two options
which are sorry i can't make it or I'd be delighted to make it they never give
you the but grudgingly ok alright the polls are now closed
these are old results it was twelve percent rice it was 54 past it was 38
for potatoes
let's see if you change anyone's minds good grief it's all gone from rice
that's astonishing let's see how much that's changed
whoa exactly what it was about twenty four percent of the audience have gone
from pasta to write in tow climbing people change their minds all over but
the j absolutely a convincing argument for rice so I get to keep the rice
you get to keep the rice and this round winner is jay Foreman so there is one
round remaining in this game and with the points like that are will you can
command a flat-out victory with this jay you can pick past will get two points
and take it
Sarah you can force a tie-break so it is still anybody's game as we go into the
final set quick round it's still technically he didn't do that well say I
just hit the Chaos now
gloves are off people here's how the last round works
there is going to be about three minutes on the clock i'm gonna need a volunteer
sitting in the audience someone here putting the hand up on testing your
there we go
the loud voice at the back there what I want you to do is count in your head
from when the polls close
about three minutes it can be less it can be more about three minutes when
you're getting bored
please you know the words i'm bored really little boy when that happens the
pole is gonna slam shut and we'll get that but here's the thing we're not
asking the audience then what the second time is the audience's results are going
to be on screen continuously and you guys can change your vote as often as
you want without getting cut by you to put spamming if someone makes a strong
argument enough to change your mind
we will see it right away as the vote shift and it's the difference between
what the start was and what the end was that's gonna get you the point
you already yes look so we're going to start by asking the internet for its
opinion and it's who would win in a fight
Bruce Wayne Bruce Willis or Bruce Lee people
audience here think that's a genuinely difficult question yeah
hey for Bruce Wayne be for Bruce Willis see for Bruce Lee get your answering by
typing it in the chat right now
arm that is an interesting question not just for the pipes or bruises but
because we've got one fictional up one that plays someone who's hard-on one who
really is so I think it's going to jail you're going to take bruce wine even
Sarah you're going to take bruce willis
well you're going to take bruce lee here we go
the pole is going to close straightaway we're going to see some results and it's
whoever's arguing
first you ready all right here our initial results
can he says things that I've done amazingly well there we go here or
initial results okay look it's for Bruce Willis
haha and dragged musicals and vice versus pasta thing we had
huh alright my love is like that way see if I've got a close pole
oh there we go I'm sorry but instead i hit the right button there are seven
Bruce why you a 12-percent bruce willis 51-percent Bruce Lee
here we go with the second pole take it off
well Bruce Wayne has access to the most important power of them all the power of
having millions and millions of dollars are so it doesn't matter how tough the
other two are Bruce Wayne could just build an enormous beat the other two up
my veal and do it successfully
but that's not an argument for winning in a fight that's the Dozen argument to
win planning for a fight
yeah only if you can all understand how long did it take to get stuff on amazon
this is like all know my you know my body armors and turned up yet he still
waiting for you but you need to be tough for like straight off the bat and Bruce
what it was Bruce what is right
he is hard i mean he's the man to fight in a vest like you've got that right
but she's not only easy hard as nails but also he's pretty decent you know
he'll cover up to you know and that occur
ok but Bruce Lee is the only one who is an adjective
how so the to do a thing and a Bruce Lee way how did you beat him up
Priestley which i'm not very web indeed that makes him an adverb your ad
grandma I'm supporting Bruce Lee's that's actually when you . that's what
Bruce Willis would not be listening to grab me punching people who said that
but it depends on whether the question is who would win in a fight that take
place right now
who would win in a fight that you can have next week and if the fight takes
place next week it's surely the one who's riches that
no I think it's gonna be Bruce Willis because he's the only one who's actually
not dead but with a lot but we're currently in a world economic downturn
and Bruce Lee is a self-made man
I think Bruce Willis error christmas is fine basic weapons finances would be
quite dropping now where's Bruce Lee is secure in his self-made martial arts
millions and what would have access to . that's lost me one percent the polls
have closed
oh LOL that's it that's the final results in there let me check numbers
here we'll put all this together right here
I realize that was a jump at the end I'm just checking everything came in
yes it did we running on like on the graphics those are the final results
here with the first numbers 37 to Bruce Wayne 12 bruce willis 51 to Bruce Lee
are I'm just a double check that with my things
yes we have had some display glitches there but those are accurate that's why
the world thought
here are the final results after you guys argued
oh I don't know how much has changed the answer is it's my it's just
you know having the best for convincing the most people over to your side so
that gives two points to Sarah and it means we go to a tie-break there is one
last question and this is entirely on the audience
I'm not gonna ask him what twice i'm just ask them once who argued best you
are voting day for Jay you won't win but when like your marketing because sarah
or seeking wealth of grief for Sarah super well whoever you vote right now is
gonna be the winner of the show tonight
make your last gasp why is your the audience spoke for you
I was lowest
but yeah I mean you convince people for Bruce Lee did i know i did not progress
well it's 17 which way is up
right i forgot to say anything on that i'm going to convince them now he's got
no hair all you internet people with no hair be on the side of Bruce with this
is that too late for belly
uh-huh please help i got it no vote for Jake is that we will have a nice tall
does that that was going to be all the other side and see the whole numbers
coming in so it's not looking for good for you or not
well that wasn't hard that was gonna be my argument if you're enjoying the show
then I but not sure that I break which means we can keep going to close in 10
seconds
who argued the best day for jb4 Sarah c4 well I'll while I have your attention
thank you very much can we have an enormous rand reports for all our three
comedians here tonight
to our chat moderator and everyone who's been giving them trouble online team
here we'll put all this together right here
our final results voting is closed tonight's winner is better than
gentlemen it's a three-way tie they all get to take home the carbohydrate the
night argue for you
congratulations! that has been our show
that has been: Jay Foreman, Sarah Breese and Will Seaward
I've been Tom Scott have a very very good night good night