This is the Technical Difficulties, we’re playing Citation Needed.
Joining me today, he reads books y'know, it’s Chris Joel.
Hello again, my beauties!
Everybody’s favourite Gary Brannan, Gary Brannan.
And of course, the thing you must not do if the ape is enraged
is the Macarena.
And the bounciest man on the internet, Matt Gray.
Marhaba, YouTube.
In front of me I’ve got an article from Wikipedia and these folks can’t see it.
Every fact they get right is a point and a ding,
and there's a special prize for particularly good answers which is...
And today we are talking about Charles Blondin.
Which gives us exactly nothing to go on, apart...
I mean, the way I pronounce that gives you a bit of a hint.
Français?
Yes, absolutely right.
He was French.
Oh, the wheel spins and lands on France…!
It’s not a wheel!
It’s just a piece of cardboard with an arrow saying France!
Charles Blondin, also known as The Great Blondin.
Did he do something with hot air balloons?
That sounds like you know that.
Well, it’s a stunt man-y sort of name, isn’t it?
I know France did hot air balloons.
That was the Montgolfier brothers.
- See? France did hot air balloons! - He’s right, you know.
I mean he’s not wrong, he’s not wrong, but no.
He’s not wrong and yet, in the back of your mind, the phrase is:
"how do I say he is wrong?"
That's fair.
Yes, Chevalier Blondin, or The Great Blondin.
Magician?
Certainly that sort of entertainer, that sort of genre…
Strongman.
Oh, was he like that bit in Ocean’s Eleven with the acrobatics
to steal the money from the vault?
We are looking for a specific acrobatic trick here.
Something that you’d be known for.
It wasn’t like Henry IV’s favourite acrobat?
I think it’s Henry IV, I might be... medievalists out there,
apologies I might have got the wrong king there,
who was known for a whistle, a tumble and a fart.
That was his act.
And he was knighted because the king thought it was so funny.
Apparently, Roland the Farter.
Roland the Farter!
That's it.
Roland the Farter.
You’re not getting points for this, but you are right.
This was King Henry II, in medieval times.
A medieval flatulist who each year, in exchange for 30 acres of land,
was obliged to perform a jump, a whistle and a fart.
Can I just take a moment here for "flatulist"?
Yes!
Now I know this 'cos Wikipedia has a list of flatulists.
Yes, yes they do.
What wasn’t he actually doing?
He wasn’t actually breaking wind.
He was actually...
This is going to grim.
He was able to suck wind in,
and then blow it out again through muscle power, I assume.
And because that was technically a question I asked, you’re getting the point.
Ever felt you’re on home turf with a subject?
We are looking for a specific acrobatic act that Charles Blondin was famous for.
The windy-windy-falling-fabric thing!
- Aerial silks! - Aerial silks!
No. What have you got, Chris?
The flat-o-mer-boing-a-mi-thing!
Slackline?
Trampo-mo-line!
Trampo-mo-line, no.
The high-rope-walkalongy…
Yes!
Is he the one that walked between big buildings?
No, that’s Philippe Petit.
Yes, this was…
Wasn’t he French?
Yes, hence the name Philippe Petit!
No, but you said it more "Philip Petty", though.
He’s Philip Petty!
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers' brother.
You’re absolutely right, it is the walky-longy-not-fally-downy-thing.
Correct.
The elastomastring!
He was a tightrope walker.
He came up with the idea to cross a certain thing on a tightrope.
Oh, Thingy Falls.
I’m not allowing you Thingy Falls!
Niagara.
That’s the one, Thingy.
Yes, you’re absolutely right, Niagara Falls.
I knew what you meant.
Widey! Big! Dangerous!
Yeah, Thingy Falls!
Widey Falls, not Tall Falls. Victoria, tall… wide.
It’s going to be curved in, it’s going to be like that…
Oh, that’s where I went wrong, I need my hands that way.
Have you ever rubbed a waterfall?
Don’t get your hands backwards.
You don’t want to rub it the wrong way.
Actually you were trying to push the water back up weren’t you?
Get-- ugh!-- what is Cnut doing in the wave pool?
Stood at the bottom, like Atlas, failing.
You’re sort of, “Why is no one else as bothered about this as me?”
“The sea will be empty, the fish will...
“...opposite of drown!”
Asphyxiate, Gary!
“The fish are drowning! They seem fine with it, though...”
You should have seen Noah trying to load them onto the Ark!
Did not like it, did not like it at all.
“There’s going to be a flood! Get the fish on!”
A long time ago...
You’re absolutely right, he was the first to cross Niagara…
What did he do, insult it or something?
To cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope.
What did he then go back and do?
Fetch the other end of the rope and walk back with it.
Oh, what an act!
You’d pay to see it.
Well he did some other acts on the tightrope.
Whistle, tumble, fart?
Famous mid-air, tightrope walking flatulist.
Hell of an entry on Wikipedia, let's face it.
There were some theatrical variations, it says here, on the idea of…
Oh, he wore a hat.
Well he wore something.
His wife.
He carried his manager.
I think the idea of carrying a person is close enough,
I’m going to give you the point there.
Is that in case he had any border issues at the other end?
No, it’s in case he wasn’t getting a big enough cut.
Someone to negotiate with him on the other side.
Negotiate at the top of the Niagara Falls!
Hey, you’d agree quick, though, wouldn’t you?
Also: in a sack, on stilts, not at the same time, and also…
He was in a sack?
Yes, he was in a sack.
How did he tightrope walk in a sack?
- Carefully. - You put it on the top, not the bottom.
Oh, right, with you, sorry, yeah.
Sack racing across a tightrope.
I would defo… never mind over Niagara Falls!
Well, two people, think about the overtaking!
Yes, you could see the waveform on the line.
Does that mean they next did an egg and spoon race over Niagara Falls?
Are we talking tightrope sport race? Sports race? Sports day.
Matt. Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt.
You are so close…
Because unbelievably the word “egg” is the accurate one in there.
What did he do in the middle of a tightrope, over Niagara Falls in about 1860?
Fry an omelette.
Omelette. Oi, I was saying that!
But how did I get that afterwards?
I was doing it better!
And Chris steals the point!
He cooked and ate an omelette on a tightrope in the middle of Niagara Falls.
What? On what?
- Well, the tightrope. - Pan.
Yeah, alright knobhead, but what?
Because that means a heat source,
so you’ve got to have a little cooking stove or something balanced on...
But what’s that balanced on?
- His hand. - His hand!
How the f*** is he carrying a thing, and a thing, and what’s-a, on a balance…?
Well, that is the trick.
That is literally the act he is being paid to do.
That is why it’s impressive, Gary.
He also stood on a chair, with one chair leg on the rope, on Niagara..
No, no, no, no, no, no...
50 metres above the water.
How big is this wire by the way, while we’re on it?
Well quite long 'cos it has to go across Niagara Falls.
What’s the diameter of this wire?
Cheesewire!
Oh no.
Ooh, just slices of feet.
What I’d like y'all to do at this point is to gesture how big you think this wire is.
What, thickness wise?
- Girth? - Yes, girth.
- That big? - That big?
Have you just made whatever happens to be the size of your…?
No, no, I’m thinking of cable for...
I’m thinking how big it would be for your feet to comfortably sit on and be attached,
so it can’t be much bigger than about that, I wouldn’t have thought.
Yeah, Gary you’ve basically got it spot on.
Eight and a bit centimetres, you’re absolutely right.
Oh.
Balls to this, I can’t actually see the man do the egg.
I’d rather I was closer to him so I could witness how good the omelette was.
I’m sorry, if he’s going to show off I’m going to get picky as well.
Is it going to be Saturday Kitchen where they try and do it under a minute?
Omelette Challenge. 60 seconds.
That’s a reference that not many people are going to get isn’t it?
Now there is a sentence in this article.
Obviously, at this point --
he was born in France, he’s moved to the US to do this sort of thing.
While in the US he married someone called Charlotte Lawrence.
What’s strange about that?
Is he a bigamist?
Well, we don’t know.
I’ll give you the point because the phrase here is:
"while in the US he married a second wife".
That indicates you’re a bigamist.
And then slightly earlier it says he married Marie Blancherie,
and it is not known what happened to his French family after he went to America.
So I will give you the point.
It’s quite possible that he divorced her or that something else happened.
It’s not recorded in here.
Can you imagine being his first wife, thinking your husband’s disappeared,
never to be heard of again, and picking up Le Monde and seeing the front page,
“Man Cooks Egg Over Niagara Falls” and going “b******!”
Oh yes, because it was definitely front-page-worthy.
Oh, yeah!
What, you think this isn’t?
Blondin came back to Europe, lived in the UK,
retired for a while and then made a reappearance in the sort of manner
you’d expect stars who are in need of money to do.
I’m a Celebrity.
Something that existed at the end of the 19th century and still exists now.
Panto.
Yes.
You are absolutely right.
He appeared in Jack and the Beanstalk at the Crystal Palace.
Not at Crystal Palace, at the Crystal Palace.
I’m going to guess that what he did is his tightrope act on was, maybe, the beanstalk.
I’m going to suggest that might be it, it’s not recorded here but, yes.
Nah, he was the front end of the panto horse.
While on the beanstalk.
Back end, not a tightrope walker, clinging on desperately.
It’s like, you have to put some tightrope walking in there,
because this guy’s a one-trick pony…
Oh, f*** off…
That wasn’t a joke.
Oh, horse! Panto horse.
I must just be naturally funny(!)
When he’s out of work he’s getting the washing in, where is he?
On top of the washing line.
He was so associated with tightrope walking, what happened to his name?
Oh, the tightrope became his name!
A tightrope walker was called a Blondin.
- Ah. - That’s how well-known he was.
Like how people Google for things…
Going back to an earlier thing,
like that guy was around in the early 2000s called Mr Methane.
Another one on your list of famous flatulists!
Yes.
See how I’m tying these bits together today.
There is also a thing called a Blondin, even now.
And it’s a bit of industrial equipment.
What might it be?
Safety rig for working at height?
Not for people.
- Animals. - For sheep working at height!
“Go on Bessie, the grass is a bit long near the cliff.”
“Baaa!”
- Not for animals... - That’s a valid thing you might need
because companies are putting sheep on their roofs, aren’t they?
What?
If you build a new building you can put the organic roofs on
that are a layer of turf to help insulate, to stop it...
Some companies want it to be kind of a wild garden, but other companies…
Want it neatly mowed?
And they’re putting sheep and goats on it.
Cracking.
So you might need a safety line for a sheep, it's working at height…
When was the last time you put a safety harness on a sheep?
Wednesday.
All I can think is that I want to change jobs to aerial shepherd.
What might you need to move, on a rope, in a quarry?
Oh, stone.
You’re absolutely right.
It’s an aerial ropeway used in Welsh slate quarries.
It’s called a Blondin after him.
Oh, right, so like the ones at the end of… nah, that doesn’t spoil anything,
like the ones at the end of Get Carter,
that kind of thing where it dumps coal in the sea.
Hands up who's seen Get Carter?
- Literally none. - Literally only Gary.
F*** it, bring the screen down.
We’re watching this, alright?
“You’re a big man, but you’re out of shape. He does this for a living.”
- That’s from Get Carter. - Get Carter.
There is one other person I’d like to talk about from Niagara Falls
and from the history of Niagara Falls.
Is it... was it a lady or a gentleman went over it in a barrel?
You said lady or a gentleman, Gary, I’ll give you the choice, pick one.
Oh f***.
The little bell that’s ringing in the back of my head says lady but I could be wrong.
- Roll with it. - Have a point.
- Oh, right okay. - Any idea of the names?
Annie Edison Taylor.
Born in 1838, ended up in Bay City, Michigan
where she hoped to become a dance instructor.
Did she not?
I mean, have the point. Why not?
Couldn’t f***ing dance(!)
Bog-all rhythm.
There’s nobody wanting to dance.
There are no dance schools.
Now why didn’t she sort of break the mould and start one, rather than just…
Well she did! She absolutely did, have a point.
Then she travelled all over the place trying to find work,
couldn’t find any and moved back to Bay City.
Which means she wanted to secure her later years financially.
She wanted to avoid what?
Workhouses? Something like that?
Yes, the poor house, absolutely right.
She decided she would be the first person to ride over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
And she considers that securing her future?
Not putting it at dire risk.
She was actually in her 60s, when she went over.
Really?
Using a custom made barrel.
Why did she use a barrel, not, like a boat or something proper?
“It was a proper barrel!”
That’s good question. What is a barrel designed to do?
Oh, keep water out?
Exactly.
It’s designed…
Well, strictly speaking, to keep water in, surely?
- No, keep booze in, and water out! - Oh, right, with you!
- Yes! - Focus man, come on.
It is meant to be waterproof.
So the idea is she’s in there, in a slightly pressurised barrel,
with a heart-shaped pillow and mattress.
There was a lid on it?
There was a lid on it.
Oh right, I assumed it was up to the waist or something!
“Tally-ho!”
I’ve always assumed that, that’s how I’ve always pictured it.
I never thought…
Sort of like a tub over the edge, yeah.
Come to think of it, yeah, so have I.
No, she was stuffed in a barrel with the top sealed.
A little bit of pressure in there, the idea being that all she’s going to feel is:
darkness, darkness, darkness, plunge, thump, thump, thump, thump,
get out the other side.
Did she?
Well you keep asking me the questions, Matt,
but that’s not actually what I’m here for.
So…
Let’s say she didn’t.
She did.
She made it over the falls with nothing but a small gash on her head.
What did she say afterwards?
F***!
I mean it was… it was…
I’m going to give you the point because it wasn’t that short,
it wasn’t in so few words,
but yes, “If it was with my dying breath,
“I would caution anyone against attempting the feat.”
That’s never a great recommendation for a ride is it?
No, but it’s really smart for somebody who is looking to secure their fame
for being the one who did it.
“I would sooner walk up to the mouth of a cannon knowing it was going to blow me to pieces
than make another trip over the fall.”
And next week, watch me walk up to a cannon knowing it’s going to blow me to pieces!
At the end of the show, congratulations Chris, you win this one.
Well done.
You win a small fast bird that makes clothing for other small fast birds.
Oh God.
It’s this Tailor Swift.
With that we say thank you to Chris Joel,
to Gary Brannan,
to Matt Gray.
Bye bye YouTube.
I’ve been Tom Scott and we’ll see you next time.